journal #3

i guess i didn’t have a follow button, oops! certain things i just expect to be here, but i think i need to get to know it a little better (boardwalk, it’s so lovely!).

i’m procrastinating, which is no surprise to anyone. i am writing a personal essay for 1907a scholarship about my german-russian ancestors’ journey to fresno, california. it’s exceedingly interesting, and such a journey for me. i was never in touch with the german part of my heritage (my father is french-canadian, and i do speak more french than i do volga german, so i would say that in my life it was a much greater influence), but i am discovering through my great-great-great-grandfather’s journals that it is where i get my love for writing, love for las vegas, and, in a very peculiar way, my fascination with our concept of god. one of the first things i noticed from the diary of friedrich gleim was that to him it was prayer; he never seems to address any audience other than this mysterious deity until after the journal is done. i don’t think it would be too far fetched for me to claim that i talk to god in plenty of my writing, too (here, i think, is my best example).

i will post the essay here when it’s finished, because of how excited i am for how it will turn out. i hope that i get the scholarship, of course, but i think that what this essay has unearthed in me is more valuable in many respects than the informal and impersonal education i want to be paying for with the money; not only the research that i did, but reacting as strongly as i have to learning about how it is i came to be in this desert that i love so much.


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